i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
