omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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