no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
