I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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