I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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