I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
