I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
