omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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