oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
