Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
