what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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