dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
