i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize