Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
