SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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