Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
