My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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