I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
