Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
