It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
