Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
