so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize