i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
