He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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