Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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