...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
