I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
