i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
