just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
