White coat. Heels.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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