Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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