In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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