I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
