I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
