apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
