her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
