There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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