Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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