I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
