come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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