From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
