she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
