She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he shaved USA in his pubs
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
