Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
