She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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