I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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