jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
