Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the day after is always just damage control
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
