His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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