I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
