The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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