What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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