I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
