all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
