so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you. Go after that dick
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
