this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
