my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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