I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
