so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
