and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
