So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
