i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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