i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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