Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
