Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
