That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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