but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
