I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
