someone threw a dead crab at me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
