Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
