That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
