wrigley field is MILF paradise
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
