the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
