I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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