I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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