Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
