he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
