ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
