Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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