$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
